Saturday, May 29, 2010
Today's words of encouragement...
Even the strongest have a moment of weakness...the most balance fall...the difference between those who succeed and those who fail is that those who succeed know that a slip is only temporary...keep on getting back up...
Jumping the Broom...
I was just sitting here thinking about all of the decisions I have made in my life both conventional and those unconventional decisions that made people involve scratch their heads. No one has ever accused me of being the ethnocentric or xenocentric type, I also tend not to dig to deep into deep rooted customs or practices of the ethnic group of which I belong or into those of others.
For that reason it was very strange for friends of mine to understand the reason behind jumping the broom when I married my now ex-husband over 5 years ago. It probably wouldn't have been that big of a deal if I was marrying a black man, but my ex-husband is white and so many people didn't/couldn't understand why I would take this custom so rooted into the African experience of marrying as slaves and "jump the broom" with a white man.
Here was my answer to them...
Jumping the broom for so many slaves stood as the only evidence of marriage in their lives. This wasn't because they were ashamed of the person they were marrying, but because it was illegal for them to marry. I chose to "jump the broom" with my husband because in our own way we were representative of our ancestors slave and slave owner, servant and master, and as representatives of said ancestors it was our job to break down the racial walls and boundaries and do our part (small or large) to bring together cultures, ethnic groups, and push past the past.
AG
For that reason it was very strange for friends of mine to understand the reason behind jumping the broom when I married my now ex-husband over 5 years ago. It probably wouldn't have been that big of a deal if I was marrying a black man, but my ex-husband is white and so many people didn't/couldn't understand why I would take this custom so rooted into the African experience of marrying as slaves and "jump the broom" with a white man.
Here was my answer to them...
Jumping the broom for so many slaves stood as the only evidence of marriage in their lives. This wasn't because they were ashamed of the person they were marrying, but because it was illegal for them to marry. I chose to "jump the broom" with my husband because in our own way we were representative of our ancestors slave and slave owner, servant and master, and as representatives of said ancestors it was our job to break down the racial walls and boundaries and do our part (small or large) to bring together cultures, ethnic groups, and push past the past.
AG
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Mother's Day
Mother's Day is a celebration that I feel is celebrated everyday in my house. My kids love me and I love them...they bring me the same joy and headaches everyday... ;-)! I love being a Mom and wouldn't trade it for the world...
I wish everyone could experience the same joy as I feel when I look into their eyes and tell them to leave me alone, give me peace, or just the simplest smile and a kiss...that always say I love you!
Arnita
I wish everyone could experience the same joy as I feel when I look into their eyes and tell them to leave me alone, give me peace, or just the simplest smile and a kiss...that always say I love you!
Arnita
A letter to my ex...
Dear Ex,
I usually don't like to say I hate people, but I am starting to hate you. In life we have went from being lovers and friends to being whatever it is that we have become. I thought, four of the biggest blessings and the most precious memories were made with our children...blessings you are turning your back on and memories you are replacing with ones of you not being there.
We as a family went through so much, but as parents we have always attempted to shield our troubles from the view of our children. When the time came for us to separate and later divorce we protected our children, showing them a united front. Trying to teach and show them that parents can get along no matter what happens. Showing them that two people remain parents no matter if the relationship between them falls apart. And showing them that we remain family no matter what.
As of late you have taken my view of you and stomped it into the dirt. You decided to take a girlfriend, one who has been in the lives of our children in a different role and change their lives even more. I really want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with having a girlfriend, falling in love, or even remarrying, the problem happens when you become a boyfriend and forget that you were a father first. I am very upset with you because you have chose to put this woman ahead of your children. The kids explain to you that they don't like her being there every time they try to visit you and you make excuses about why she is. THEY WANT YOU! You were a father first.
You have moved on I get that, but you cannot move on from being a father...YOU WERE A FATHER FIRST...you can move on from being a husband and a friend to me and that is a great thing. We didn't get along, we were not meant for each other....but the kids were meant to be...they are yours...u belong to them and they belong to you. YOU ARE A FATHER FIRST....NOW ACT LIKE IT....
In the end it will be you who is left looking at a broken relationship between you and your children asking yourself if it was preventable....I am here to tell you that it is preventable...u can change things....change them now....
Arnita
I usually don't like to say I hate people, but I am starting to hate you. In life we have went from being lovers and friends to being whatever it is that we have become. I thought, four of the biggest blessings and the most precious memories were made with our children...blessings you are turning your back on and memories you are replacing with ones of you not being there.
We as a family went through so much, but as parents we have always attempted to shield our troubles from the view of our children. When the time came for us to separate and later divorce we protected our children, showing them a united front. Trying to teach and show them that parents can get along no matter what happens. Showing them that two people remain parents no matter if the relationship between them falls apart. And showing them that we remain family no matter what.
As of late you have taken my view of you and stomped it into the dirt. You decided to take a girlfriend, one who has been in the lives of our children in a different role and change their lives even more. I really want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with having a girlfriend, falling in love, or even remarrying, the problem happens when you become a boyfriend and forget that you were a father first. I am very upset with you because you have chose to put this woman ahead of your children. The kids explain to you that they don't like her being there every time they try to visit you and you make excuses about why she is. THEY WANT YOU! You were a father first.
You have moved on I get that, but you cannot move on from being a father...YOU WERE A FATHER FIRST...you can move on from being a husband and a friend to me and that is a great thing. We didn't get along, we were not meant for each other....but the kids were meant to be...they are yours...u belong to them and they belong to you. YOU ARE A FATHER FIRST....NOW ACT LIKE IT....
In the end it will be you who is left looking at a broken relationship between you and your children asking yourself if it was preventable....I am here to tell you that it is preventable...u can change things....change them now....
Arnita
Sunday, May 2, 2010
what do I want from people...
I have encountered many other souls, hearts and personalities...with that said no one is the same and no one gives you the same things. I know this and I appreciate this in each and every person in my life, the confusion lies in asking myself why people must judge and not appreciate others for the same reasons. I don't understand why people would want the whole world to be the same. We need difference. We need different people, the kind of people who cause trouble as well as the people who fight for justice.
I think we need to accept people for who they are and stop trying to make them fit our mold. Nothing hurts more then when a person feels like they are not accepted for the person they are or who they want to be.
I know this first hand, I am not the same Arnita I was a couple years ago. I have grown, changed, improved myself a lot and there is still work to be done. I hate when people can't let go of the things you have done or the way you "use to" act. There is a reason it happened in the past...now let me grow. I want to say the following to people who think they know me....
1) You don't know me...you don't know my likes, dislikes, the way I am, the way I treat people...
2) I love harder than I ever have before...I let lots of things go, I don't like to fight, and I don't like drama in my life
3) Stop thinking you know how I operate because you don't... I am not the person who doesn't care so stop telling me I am, but please don't try to make me out to be
heartless.
So what do I want from people...I want people to be themselves and to let me be me...
Don't try to change who you are and don't try to change me...
I think we need to accept people for who they are and stop trying to make them fit our mold. Nothing hurts more then when a person feels like they are not accepted for the person they are or who they want to be.
I know this first hand, I am not the same Arnita I was a couple years ago. I have grown, changed, improved myself a lot and there is still work to be done. I hate when people can't let go of the things you have done or the way you "use to" act. There is a reason it happened in the past...now let me grow. I want to say the following to people who think they know me....
1) You don't know me...you don't know my likes, dislikes, the way I am, the way I treat people...
2) I love harder than I ever have before...I let lots of things go, I don't like to fight, and I don't like drama in my life
3) Stop thinking you know how I operate because you don't... I am not the person who doesn't care so stop telling me I am, but please don't try to make me out to be
heartless.
So what do I want from people...I want people to be themselves and to let me be me...
Don't try to change who you are and don't try to change me...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
When I feel lost and alone in the world I have 4 bright stars to keep me focus and guide me home...
I am the mother of 4 of the most wonderful children in the world. I know right...what parent says there kids are the worst? Well, let me tell you if they were I would be the first to say so. Without getting into details(we will in a later post)these kids have made my life what it is. I love spending time with them, but I love my time away. Nope that doesn't make me a bad mother...it makes me human! And guess what they understand.
I must say that this last year and the rest of 2010 has and will continue to be some of the hardest times for these 4. As long as they can remember they have lived in a home where two parents were there for them. There have been times when that was not the case but they have blocked those times from their working memory and only remember Mom and Dad being in the same house.
Well, this year our divorce was final...We have continued to live in the same house together, but now it is time for that to end. It is time for us to move on with our lives...to change and grow as two separate individuals. And I think the kids understand this. I don't think it will be the easiest thing for them to deal with, but they are the products of two very strong parents and together we will teach them that love comes in many different forms.
Loving my babies
I must say that this last year and the rest of 2010 has and will continue to be some of the hardest times for these 4. As long as they can remember they have lived in a home where two parents were there for them. There have been times when that was not the case but they have blocked those times from their working memory and only remember Mom and Dad being in the same house.
Well, this year our divorce was final...We have continued to live in the same house together, but now it is time for that to end. It is time for us to move on with our lives...to change and grow as two separate individuals. And I think the kids understand this. I don't think it will be the easiest thing for them to deal with, but they are the products of two very strong parents and together we will teach them that love comes in many different forms.
Loving my babies
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
the reason
This blog will serve as a catch-all for my words, my thoughts, my life. It will have no specific order for post. I will write what I think from questions of the day to experiences past and present. Read at your own risk...I AM WHO I AM!!!
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